Mistake: USING ANGER TO FIGHT ANGER
It may be that if you remain a humble, honest, and contented person, some of your friends, neighbors, coworkers, or rivals will take advantage of you. Simply allowing this to happen may be counterproductive for you, your family, and others. However, anger cannot be overcome by anger. If a person shows anger to you, and you show anger in return, the result is disaster. If you nurse hatred, you will never be happy, even in the lap of luxury. By contrast, if you control your anger and show its opposite-love, compassion, tolerance, and patience- then not only do you remain in peace, but gradually the anger of others also will diminish.
No one can argue with fact that in the presence of anger, peace is impossible. It is only through kindness and love that peace of mind can be achieved. Although anger may lead to temporary success, and yield some satisfaction for a brief period, ultimately anger will cause further difficulties. (There is no need enumerate the many instances of this throughout history, including in this new century.) With anger, all actions are swift. When we face problems with sincere concern for others, success may take longer, but it will be more durable.
When someone is trying to take advantage of you, first you must clearly understand that this other person is a human being, and has a right to be happy. With respect and compassion toward that person, you can act according to the circumstances he or she has created. This means responding strongly if necessary, but never losing your compassionate persperctive.
In fact, compassion is the only way to handle such a problem, since anger and irritation will only make effective action more difficult. At first, it may be a struggle to maintain compassion for someone who is being threatenin or hurtful, but if you try again and again, you will find the way to react as strongly as the circumstances demand without losing a loving attitude.
Anger needs to be controlled, but not hidden from yourself. Recognize your reactions; do not deny them, for if you do, your compassion will be superficial. When others are mean or nasty to you it is difficult to stay compassionate, but it is not unlike the relationship between kind parent and their children. Sometimes a child is foolish and naughty, and in order to stop behavior, the mother of father acts in accordance with circumstances; this may require strong or harsh words, perhaps even punishing the child, but without losing compassion. That is the way to handle the problem.
HH the Dalai Lama
Book-How To Be Compassionate